Drive or lack there of…..

 

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I was sitting at the kitchen table over the weekend with the cutting mat in front of me, a selection of glues set at the top, an array of tools off to the right along with the table lamp and an open box of plastic in front of me struggling to remember where I was the last time I opened up this box and glued some of the contents together and it made me wonder about what inspires or drives me to get a project started and see it all the way through to the end. Now I am not going to dazzle you with words of wisdom about how I can pick up a set of hand drawn plans a scalpel calculator and a stack of plasticard and built an award winning model, and please do not get me wrong I am not some celebrated award winning modeller either, I am and dare I say it just an average modeller trying to improve with every project that I complete which to be honest is not very often. As I have mentioned in older blog posts I struggle with finding the time and motivation to start a project and see it through to the end with last year being the exception thanks to my other half Kerry and Keith from my model club the Bulldogs for inspiring me and driving me along to the bitter end and even though it may not have been finished until the night before we left for scale model world last November, it got finished, and I will be honest it is a piece of work I am very proud of and is head and shoulders above anything else I have ever done. Now after feeling the high of completing my first kit in about 7 years you would think that I would be champing at the bit to get back to the bench once more, sadly this was not the case as I felt a bit of a burn out once we returned from Telford and sadly this burn out seems to have hung around for a bit too long. Normally this kind of lack of motivation I am feeling usually ends with a trip to a model show or the purchase of a new kit a book or a magazine full of inspirational models however none of these have worked this time and I am finding myself in a bleak model less wasteland.

When we returned from Telford with a car boot full of kits and bits that we had purchased plus the review kit that I discussed in my first blog post I thought excellent, give it a day or so to catch up on some sleep and I’ll be straight to the bench, knock that review sample out and it will be straight on with some nice builds over the Christmas break but NO… the modelling mojo had gone, hiding perhaps amongst the many boxes of unbuilt and half built kits that live in my workroom. I struggled through the review kit, and although it was not the easiest build it went together quite well and to be honest I was glad to see it off the workbench, I wrote the review and my very first blog post all in that same weekend and voila my very first pieces of work  were unleashed to the public and with it I hoped my need to get back to the bench, sadly not. It has become quite a curious thing, I purchased some new kits, a few books, a new airbrush, wrote some blog posts yet the mojo was still missing, what else do I need to do. I went and sat at the workbench, that did not work, I looked around the internet at various forums and on the various Facebook groups I am part of hoping that seeing some inspirational work would do the trick, and yet again I came up empty. In all of the 20 odd years of modelling had my want and need to model been so low. I spent some time tidying my workroom and especially around the workbench hoping a tidy work area would spur me on and still I was coming up short. Nothing I seemed to do was helping, a couple of the kits I purchased were aircraft hoping that building something different would spur me into action, that did not work either. The thought of sitting down opening a kit box and building a model was actually filling me with dread and I found myself questioning whether or not I wanted to carry on modelling, the lowest point of my time as a modeller. I had gone from building and completing my first model in 7 years, building and writing my first published article and the beginning of my blog to feeling nothing, it was a very strange situation.

As I broke for a week or so’s holiday the Friday before last I  set aside some time to write my latest blog post and hopefully get to the workbench and do some modelling maybe some pressure free modelling would help kick me out of this hole. My blog post titled shelf queens or the pile of shame and embarrassment threw up some curious responses which among them was a comment from Peter of MAN models regarding the Tamiya M8 greyhound that I have in my pile of shame and had made an appearance in my last blog posts picture. Peter is currently building a section of Mulberry Harbour for the aforementioned SIG display at SMW 2017 and said that it would look good for the display, so in a moment of unbridled enthusiasm I said I would finish it for the display. Now promising something and actually delivering are two different things however with quite a few months to go I am hoping that the mojo returns in earnest and it will be retrieved from the pile of shame and be finished in time. Now this is where it got a bit bizarre, having cleaned my house from top to bottom I decided to take myself off to the workroom and do some modelling, having sat down and looked around looking for some inspiration and with nothing going and feeling a touch of despair creeping in I decided to look through the boxes that make up the pile of shame, going from box to box trying to remember what point I was at with each model and as each box was dusted off looked in and put back the feelings of not wanting to model ever again got stronger, that was until I reached the box that holds my part built Tamiya 1/35 Willys Jeep, now this is a kit I started back after SMW 2013 and had remained part built ever since, as I looked through the box contents and slowly put them onto the cutting mat a slight wave of enthusiasm coursed through me and I could feel the 5 month modelling hiatus slowly coming to an end. It may not have happened with a flash of light and angels singing none the less it was at an end, all those months of struggle and doubt came to an abrupt end with a clip of the zuron sidecutters. Now it has been nearly a week since that eureka moment and since then I have finished building the jeep and have moved onto that M8 Greyhound that I have promised to the Mulberry Harbour sig display which in turn has reminded me why that particular kit got put to one side in the first place ….. the turret gun ring ggggrrrrrr…. Now with a bit of luck the modelling mojo has returned and although I am not burning with enthusiasm to get back to the bench I am quite looking forward to trying out the new airbrush and paint the jeep and tick off the first completed model of 2017, hopefully it will be an improvement on my last build and maybe even a slow progress away from being just an average modeller.

The average modeller.

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