I have to tell you my blog has kept me sane the last few months whilst I battled with my ever occurring inability to motivate myself and get back to modelling again. I do not know why or where this inability to motivate myself has come from, maybe it’s drawn out of the enormous self doubt in my abilities and my own numerous insecurities about my hobby that I have, it could be that I am just too bloody lazy and just need a good kick up the backside I just do not know. Over the last few weeks I have slowly returned to the numerous jobs at hand and have started to get my modelling house in order and have started modelling again. This has not come without a negative, my ability to write a blog post has flown right out of the window. I took last week off due to visiting the wonderful Milton Keynes model show, a show that has in the past kick started my modelling output for the year which culminated last year in me finally finishing my first project for a fair few years (about 7 I think). Now I am back modelling and focussing on getting a few things over the line my words have dried up… I do not know why and I do not quite understand it in equal measure. Its not that I do not have a long list of subjects that I want to write about because I do. I have started about 4 posts today alone that I have cut short due to me not being happy with the content and what I have written, maybe I am being too hard on myself maybe they are ok, I will revisit each one in the near future perhaps and maybe they will see the light of day, only time will tell. Maybe they are like a modelling project, you know the ones you start that you either lose impetus on or just lose interest and they sit in the far corner of the work room waiting for the moment you blow off the dust open the box and get it finished.
Getting back to the workbench actually the dining room table this last week has been good for me, it has got me thinking towards the model shows towards the latter part of the year that I will attend as part of my club and my need to get some projects finished to display so that I have something other than this blog to show for my years work. When I attend shows with my club and I look at the other members work I feel a pang of guilt and regret that yet another year has passed and still I have nothing to show for it. I often feel as each year passes me by that modelling opportunities are passing with it, it is no secret the amount of half built and complete kits taking up space in my workroom possibly more than I could ever complete in what is left of my life. I would love to be able to sit here and promise to you all that I will make it my life’s ambition to finish every model that I have in my possession however it is not a promise I could keep. There have been times that I have thought about giving up the hobby, sell it all off and take up something else yet there is always something that has stopped me, perhaps it is the buzz of purchasing yet another kit, the feeling as you research another project that has yet to be realised if ever at all, is it that feeling of belonging you feel the moment you walk through the doors of a model show, it is that feeling of being recognised by your fellow modellers, and maybe it is the need once you clear away all the self doubt and insecurities to be seen as something more than an average modeller, whatever it is it keeps me coming back for more.
The Average Modeller